January 13, 2012 by sadie.says
Got a question? Send it to me at [email protected]! My name’s Sadie Samson, and I’m an undergraduate student at Drexel University. I love to write, listen and give my opinion, so ask away!
Happy Holidays! Hope you had a good break. I’m writing to ask for a bit of advice: My boyfriend and I broke up a bit before Christmas. It’s been a few weeks now, and I don’t know how I’ll ever be able to get over it — it’s all I can think about! I really want to call him, maybe talk about things a bit? I don’t know. School starts soon, so that’ll help me take my mind off things, but I was wondering what you would advise for getting over someone quickly.
Heartbroken for the “Holly”-days
Happy Holidays to you, too! I’ll admit, I’m a bit at a loss as to how to transition into talking about this (do I say, ‘Sorry, that sucks, now here’s some advice?’) so I’m just going to jump right in: Treat this breakup like the beginning of something new for you. Surround yourself with hobbies, fill up your calendar with lunch dates with your friends, hit the city by yourself — have fun. Don’t give yourself time to think and overanalyze the things that went wrong, and for the love of Mario, don’t dwell on “what ifs.” Not yet, anyway. No doubt you’re going to replay the relationship over and over in your mind regardless, filling up your schedule and limiting the time that you have to primarily focus on it will make you feel better in the long run.
Now, you mention wanting to call your ex to talk. This is normal — you were with the guy in a close relationship, and it’s expected that you are going to miss him. But now your job is not to call him. Right now both of you are cooling down from the breakup of a serious relationship, and talking now might ruin any chance you might have at a friendship (if you’d be willing to have one) if things are said out of anger and resentment for the split. One of you might feel more hurt by the breakup, or still want a second chance, or whatever the case may be, such that the two of you might not be eye to eye on things. Emotions are bound to be running high right now between the two of you, and unless you are sure beyond a reasonable doubt that both of you are on the same page and have both come to terms with things, do not call or contact him lest one of you says something you don’t mean.
Instead, focus on you, your own growth, and reconciling the fall of the relationship in your head. Forgive him and yourself if necessary. Let things go. Be at peace with how things are, however long it takes. Don’t dwell on the relationship. Take the good from it and leave the rest, treating it as an overall positive (I’m assuming that you all didn’t have a completely tumultuous relationship) experience that has helped to shape the person you are today. Even if you never see or talk to him again, working to clear your mind of anger will make you feel better in the long and short term. Forgiving him will allow you to avoid making the mistake of implanting negative thoughts in the memory of the entire relationship but will allow you to see it for what it was and move on.
So, long story short: Fill your schedule up so you don’t have time to think negative thoughts, don’t call him until you both have had enough time and space, and let the bad things go.
Hope that helps!
This is kind of a random problem, and I’m not sure it’s much of an issue, but I’m going through what I’ve deemed a “mini” life crisis. I feel like all of my friends know what they want to do with their lives, but I don’t, and it’s making me freak out. Every time someone mentions how much they want to be a doctor or an engineer, I think about how much I don’t have a clue what I want to be. I don’t know why, but I just can’t think of anything that grabs me enough to warrant me declaring it my life’s professional goal. I guess what I’m asking is: How can I figure out what it is I want to do in life? I obviously missed that lesson somewhere in high school.
Thanks in advance,
Don’t fret! This is college, and this is the time to explore what it is that you might want to do for the rest of your life, and the things you absolutely will not do for the rest of your life. Note that I said might do, instead of will? That’s because even your friends who are declaring that they will absolutely do what it is they say that they want to do aren’t completely sure. Adults aren’t sure, and many have more than a few career changes throughout their lifetimes, switching industries, positions and locations. So, no worries.
Just pay attention in class and talk to your professors about subjects that interest you. Something will catch your eye eventually (I promise!), and when it does, a quick search on jobs and career paths in the field will help you set your sights in a general direction.
Best of luck!