In the world of romance, even in relationships where both parties seem content, there is an underlying crisis worth exploring. Think back for a moment — to a previous partner, a friend’s previous partner, perhaps even a current partner of yours or someone you know — when was the last time you were genuinely impressed by them? And if you were impressed, was it something truly remarkable? Or did you grow accustomed to this standard?
Overall, the bare minimum in relationships has sunk alarmingly low. The bare minimum refers to a particular threshold in a relationship that depicts a “given” in a relationship; it is something that should be automatically normalized within the bond of both parties. In recent times, some of these “givens” have become acts of praise, perhaps even romantic to some. Over time, our tolerance for subpar treatment has expanded. This is not because we desire less, but because somewhere along the way, we have been conditioned to expect less.
Take, for example, a partner surprising you with takeout after a long day at work or agreeing to watch your favorite movie with you (yes, even if they hate it). These gestures, while thoughtful, often fall into the category of the bare minimum. On a more serious level, a partner offering unwavering loyalty should also be considered a given rather than a grand act of devotion. These actions, while appreciated, are baseline expectations in a healthy relationship.
However, this is not necessarily affecting everyone. Not everyone’s tolerance for subpar treatment has increased. Everyone’s ideal picture of a relationship is extremely different and unique. For example, while some people can thrive in long-distance relationships, others may feel too emotionally disconnected to fully commit to them. In relation to the bare minimum, while some people may have their standard threshold set really low, there are people who have their standards set relatively high. How exactly does this work, and why is it this way?
One of the most significant reasons someone’s standards may fall below others often ties back to self-worth. For those grappling with low self-esteem, the popular phrase “to love others you must love yourself,” often attributed to Leo Buscaglia, also known as “Dr. Love,” holds undeniable truth. I used to believe otherwise, thinking that being in a relationship could fix low self-esteem, with a partner’s love filling the gaps. But the truth is, while a partner can support your journey to self-love, they cannot complete it for you. When you settle for less than the bare minimum because you believe it is all you deserve, it creates a cycle of imbalance. You may find yourself giving endlessly to someone who offers little in return, gradually eroding your confidence and sense of worth.
A friend of mine — we will call her Tori — put it perfectly: “You should experience all the love languages. You should wake up to breakfast made for you, receive random kisses, be told you are beautiful. It is self-sabotage to feel like you do not deserve these things when you give so much.” Her words highlight a truth we often forget. While every relationship is unique, certain pillars like loyalty, affection and effort should never feel optional. True romance is about exceeding the bare minimum — not as a grand gesture, but as a consistent reflection of care. Love thrives when both partners give wholeheartedly, creating a relationship where everyone feels valued, supported and worthy of the effort.