In an era where appearances are more scrutinized than ever, “looksmaxxing” has surged in popularity (thank you, Patrick Bateman). This trend transforms workout routines, diets, facial exercises and skincare regimens — often considered forms of self-care — into extreme measures of self-optimization. Achieving specific metrics, from weight to golden ratios, has become a defining pursuit for what many may define as “confidence” and “self-esteem.” But what about the pursuit of romance? Does the obsession with looks help or hurt the chances of someone finding love, and is it even worth it?
Before diving into the thought-provoking connection between love and looksmaxxing, let us first break down what looksmaxxing actually is.
The term blew up on TikTok in 2022, initially gaining traction among young men (many referring to themselves as “incels”) with a shared mission — to analytically max out their physical potential by dedicating countless hours to their appearance. What began as a niche trend quickly grew, drawing in people of all genders and ages. Many people were introduced to a range of new vocabulary words, including words like “mog,” “mew,” and “high-tier normie,” used both ironically and seriously. While society’s fascination with physical appearance is nothing new, looksmaxxing takes it to an entirely new level. It is no longer just about maintaining hygiene or living a healthy lifestyle; in fact, looksmaxxing could severely worsen one’s lifestyle due to its extreme concepts like bone-smashing and extreme caloric deficits in hopes to perpetuate this analytically “perfect” image. For some, it becomes an obsessive pursuit, risking serious consequences such as anxiety, depression, eating disorders, exhaustion and body dysmorphia just to name a few.
This begs the question: can the pursuit of physical perfection improve your chances at love, or does it complicate them?
Physical attractiveness undeniably plays a significant role in many relationships. After all, most romances start with meeting someone face-to-face or swiping through their photos on a dating app (unless, of course, you are one of the lucky few to find yourself on “Love Is Blind”). The fascinating thing about human attraction, though, is its subjectivity. What one person deems attractive might be completely different from someone else’s standards, making beauty a matter of perspective. What is less subjective, however, is the universal appeal of good hygiene. Regular grooming, eating well, wearing clean clothes and staying physically active are all hallmarks of good hygiene. Adapting an overall healthier lifestyle while incorporating these hygienic rules could be referred to as a “glow-up”. A lifestyle that focuses on healthy hygiene habits is attractive to others because it signals effort and self-discipline. Where good hygiene and looksmaxxing diverge is in their approach. Good hygiene does not rely on data points or analytics to quantify attractiveness. Instead, it reflects simple, everyday practices that make a big difference. Looksmaxxing, on the other hand, delves deeper into metrics and strategic efforts, often with the aim of achieving a specific, calculated standard of beauty.
Even with hygiene being a leading factor in attraction within relationships, it is typically not the most important when compared to other values like loyalty, good communication and other ways of showing affection. As Adriana Diaz aptly put it, many individuals in the looksmaxxing community believe that “physical appearance is the sole cause of relationship woes,” failing to look deeper into what truly makes a relationship successful. Details like slight asymmetry in your jawline or any other “undesirable” feature within the community are not the deal breakers that determine whether someone will want to pursue a relationship with you. Your body is a temple, an outer shell meant to protect your brain. Of course, this temple should be treated with kindness and respect, but ultimately, the riches hidden within the temple are more important than its outside walls. Strive to grow richer from the inside with knowledge and personal peace.
If your goal is to dedicate countless hours every day to perfecting every nook and cranny of your appearance for the sole purpose of finding a partner, take a deep breath and give yourself grace. With good hygiene, charisma and overall compatibility with another, love will find you in beautiful ways and it will not be because you perfected what was on the outside. So, let go of the pressure to be perfect and begin embracing the person you want to become in healthy ways. Then, when the time is right, love will truly find its way to you.