What’s your favorite season?
If you answer spring, summer, fall, or winter (as I assume most normal people would), you are wrong. The correct answer is awards.
You know, that magical time of year when all of P Diddy’s accomplices gather together to celebrate their “achievements.” Scratch that- celebrate who has the most money backing them. In a world where the average American cannot even afford eggs, it is heartwarming to see people draped in millions of dollars worth of jewels and outfits.
But I am just kidding… sort of. I am the kind of person who likes keeping track of award season. Should I be putting that same energy into my classes? Sure. But, you know, hating on my group projects does not give me the same joy as hating on Emilia Perez.
For those of you who live under a rock, every award season has its “enemy.” That one movie which is an absolute dumpster fire, but Hollywood somehow gaslights everyone into thinking it is a masterpiece. Usually, it has no chance of winning, but this year… Emilia Perez snagged 14 Oscar nominations and might win Best Picture. No joke. In terms of things worth caring about, it goes: people dying, getting a job and this.
Anyways, Mickey Madison (at 25 years old) is a frontrunner for Best Actress, and people like the fact that she is a new ingenue to root for. Meanwhile, Timothée Chalamet (29 years old) might miss out on Best Actor because apparently, he’s “too young” and will have plenty more chances to win. Hmm… I wonder what the difference between Mickey and Timothée is? And, of course, Mickey’s biggest competition is Demi Moore, who might win for a movie where she plays an actress taking a drug to look younger so she can keep her career going- kind of proving The Substance’s point if Mickey wins.
Hollywood, though, gets a little crazy with their campaigns. Sometimes, they create these narratives, like Demi talking about how she’s no longer a “popcorn actress,” or Robert Downey Jr. last year, talking about how he was so glad to be free of superhero movies- only to jump right back into the MCU after winning an Oscar. And other times, they make sure to be seen everywhere, like Timothée, who has been popping up at college football games, hosting SNL, and constantly reminding everyone why he has the best digital footprint. It is hard to say who has the best campaign, but honestly, Conclave has the best shot. If the Pope dies soon, well… yeah, they pretty much have it in the bag. Anything for an Oscar, right?
So, next time you’re pondering your favorite season… just say “awards.” It is the only correct answer.